10 lessons from 2018

Here are 10 lessons from 2018:

1 - Take responsibility for your state

This one could also be titled “help is not on the way”. I say this because nobody owes your anything. Nobody is going to make you successful. Nobody is going to make you healthy and happy.

The only person who can change your life is you. It has to start from inside your head with a thought which then has to be converted into action. If you always blame the weather, the politicians, the lack of parental support, your friends, your boss, your colleagues or anyone/anything else, you are destined to be stuck in the same state that’s causing you to be dissatisfied in your own skin. As soon as you realize that your thoughts, your outlook, and your actions determine your future you will be much more empowered to take the first steps towards making positive, long-lasting changes.

2 - Keep yourself accountable

Before I say anything about this lesson I have to give credit to the inimitable Anastazija. What you are about to read are her thoughts from a recent conversation we had.

Accountability is really an extension of the previous lesson. Once you start taking action, you will need tools to make sure that you are actually doing what you’ve set out to do. Say that you want to start working out. Write that goal down and then write down every exercise you do, the weights you used, the number of sets and reps you got and then make sure that you are following through on your plan. If it’s your diet then write down everything you eat. Whatever the case may be, write it down. If you see that you are not actually taking the necessary steps then examine what the problem is and try again.

Anastazija’s second brilliant insight on the topic was that you should add a second layer of accountability by sharing your passions, thoughts and goals with others. If you plan to lose 5 kilos, tell it to your mom, partner and friends. If you want to start your own business then say it publicly. Having others as witnesses of your intentions will add an additional layer of accountability that will keep you on your path to personal growth in 2019.

I highly recommend that you check out Anastazija’s Instagram page (click anywhere in the bolded text) for more excellent advice like this and some inspiring thoughts. Also, she shares pictures of food, cats and a dog.

3 - Time is the most valuable resource

Money makes the world go around. While there is some truth to that statement, money is neither the most valuable resource nor does it constitute success. Money cannot buy quality time spent with your mother and father. It cannot buy raising your kids and being there with them for their big moments. Money cannot buy saying goodbye to your grandparents. Money cannot buy being alone and in peace. Money cannot buy friends who genuinely care about your wellbeing. Money cannot buy you immunity to stress.

If your job is preventing you from pursuing your passions, mastering a skill, spending time with loved ones or being alone without stress and disturbance, then your job is not worth it. I think that we have been lied to and that time is by far the most valuable resource. You cannot turn back the clock to say goodbye to a loved one. You cannot turn back the clock to let you go on a date to eat and drink with your favorite person in the world. You cannot turn back the clock to cuddle with or talk to your partner.

Make the most of your time in 2019 and say no to activities that take up way too much of your time and bring nothing in return.

4 - Time heals everything

Another time-related lesson? Yep, and I have a feeling this is not the last time we see it on this list.

Let’s say you’ve gone through a break up or a tragic event. The first lesson on this list would suggest that you should take steps to make yourself feel better and you do that. But there is still emptiness within you or some lingering pain. There is a good chance that there is nothing you can do to change that but wait and let time heal your wounds.

“Time is the best doctor and the best teacher, but unfortunately it eventually kills all of its patients and students”. While the second part of that quote is very grim, the first part is not and both are factually accurate. Let time do its thing in 2019.

5 - Patience is key

This time-related lesson has to do with the issue of instant gratification we discussed a while ago on this site.

As I’ve already talked about this fairly extensively, I will try to keep it short and simple. Real change takes time. Success, whatever that word means to you, takes time. If you’ve spent 25 years of your life accumulating fat, you are not going to lose it all in a month. If you’ve spent your whole life cultivating a certain bad habit, it is not going to disappear magically overnight. There are no magic pills. You have to put in the consistent effort, learn from your mistakes, adapt and then put some more effort it in order to get results in whatever your endeavor is.

Want to learn how play an instrument? Practice every day

Want a healthy lifestyle? Slowly but surely change your bad habits into good, productive habits

Want a healthy relationship? Invest time, effort, honesty and trust into your partner and your relationship

6 - Your life goes by one second at a time

I am not going to add any more time-related lessons, this is the last one. I swear.

Time seems to go faster the older you are. I have 2 lines of reasoning that explain this.

Firstly, when you are young, everything in life is new. Playing football is new, learning letters and numbers is new, learning how to walk is new, school is new, people are new. The older you are the more life becomes a set of routines. Your job, your daily commute, you interact with the same people every day, pretty much everything is repetitive. That is why travelling to a new destination feels so refreshing. You are more engaged with new activities.

The other line of reasoning has to do with proportion. When you are 10 years old, a year is tenth of your life, but when you are 30, a year represents just one thirtieth.

The main point to take home from this is to make the best of each day, because it is limited and it seemingly goes by faster as you age.

7 - Finished is better than perfect

Stop waiting for the perfect moment to do something. You are very, very rarely going to find yourself in the perfect set of conditions for something. Go to the gym when it’s raining, learn how to meal prep, approach the girl/guy you like, start making small changes to improve the quality of your habits right now.

The longer you wait to do something just because the outcome won’t be “perfect”, the more excuses will be presented to you. Resist the urge to postpone responsibilities. But more importantly, remember that finished is better than perfect, because you might waste your life in waiting for the perfect moment while those willing to go out and get work done consistently get the results you dream of. In other words, nobody will care about your “perfect” idea if you don’t turn it into reality through action.

8 - Don’t hold grudges

Being mad at someone is entirely illogical because being mad at someone is basically a punishment you administer to yourself for someone else’s behavior. Read that again until it sinks in.

You are not getting anything positive out of being resentful towards someone who screwed you over. You are not getting anything positive out of being angry with someone because they are late. Also, you are only feeding the negative emotions and holding yourself back by holding a grudge with someone. You are not doing them much harm if any, you are only harming yourself.

If someone wronged you, take that as a lesson – turn it into a positive and move on with your life.

9 - DO NOT fear failure

Fear of failure usually stems from the fear that you will be looked at as a failure or that you will be judged as incompetent. The people who truly love you will still be there for you, they will still support you even if you fail. 

More importantly, failure is not the opposite of success. It is a part of success. Even the best of the best, like Michael Jordan, failed over and over and over again and that is WHY they succeeded. Most successful people are successful BECAUSE of their failures and NOT in spite of them.

In my experience, failure is quite literally the best lesson provider in the universe. It always has been and it always will be. It will teach you things success never will. In 2019, you should embrace failure and look at it as a lesson which will lead you closer to your goal.

10 - Being happy is the number one goal

All of the lessons above come secondary to this one. If work makes you deeply unhappy, change your job. If you are not happy in a relationship, be single or change your partner. If anything or anyone is disrupting the health of your soul, your inner peace, move away from that thing or person. No salary can repair stress-induced health problems. No amount of money can improve the quality of your relationships. No amount of money can make up for feeling miserable at your job.

In 2019, you should stay away from toxic people, toxic relationships, jobs that are harming your health, both physical and mental, and activities that drain your energy. In 2019, find time for yourself, for people and activities that make you truly happy.

Well, that’s it for this list. May these lessons aid you in your quest of becoming A Tiny Bit Better.

Happy New Year.